My Biggest Heartbreak.

It’s taken a while for me to build the courage to share this post. I found it easy to write all my feelings on paper but never to express them to others. 

Recently, I have learnt how harmful hiding how I feel is on my health. So this blog post is a little more personal and close to home. 

In January 2018, I unexpectedly lost my father. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. 

My Dad was selfless, kind and caring who would always make the effort no matter what. Although he lost his life at a young age of 56, the memories he left behind are positive and forever lasting.

I struggled to get my head around what had happened and naturally, I was grieved. At first I felt shocked and broken, then I felt angry, after which I felt numb and it was hard to accept my dad had one day been here and the next he had gone. 

I have always had a future hope and I realized that thinking negatively would not help me mentally. I began to imagine seeing my Dad again and relied on my positive thoughts and hopes, but this still was not easy for me. Don't get me wrong, trying to tell someone to be 'positive' when faced with something so negative is easier said than done. 

Each individual deals with death in a different way. Some better than others. But what are some practical steps to help our emotions not consume us? Read on. 

I have been anxious to express these thoughts and feelings but since trying to help raise mental health awareness, I feel it is only right for me to share how I coped losing a parent as everyone has either lost a loved one or know someone who has so this post will hopefully help others to relate or deal with the death of someone.

So first things first, how did other people help me?

My friends and family where a huge support along with my work colleagues. They listened to me and comforted me. Sometimes, it is hard to comfort someone as you feel you may not know what to do, but all it took for me to feel supported was knowing I had people around me who cared and a simple message of 'thinking of you' or 'I am here for you' made me feel a lot better. So if you know someone who is suffering with the death of someone but don't know how to comfort them please know it only takes a hug or a simple 'I am here for you' message.

Making an effort with someone who is grieving is never in vein and trust me, I remember each individual that told or showed me they where there for me, which I will always be grateful for.

My family were a big help, especially my sister, planning the funeral was overwhelming and my sister worked so hard to make sure that our Dad had the best send off.

Finally, there are two main points I feel are important when faced with grievance which includes:

Crying Is Okay

Never be afraid to cry.

Crying is normal and it relieves pressure and stress. Research shows that crying is not only a human response to sorrow and frustration, it is a healthy one. How? This is a natural way to reduce emotional stress, that if left unchecked, can have negative and physical effects on the body, including increased risk of cardiovascular disease and other stress-related disordered.

So do not bottle it all inside! Crying is okay and not releasing the bodies natural reaction to stress, does more harm than good.

Isolation is not okay

Never isolate yourself

It is only natural to want to be alone and have some time to yourself when bad things happen. However, I soon realized that isolation only made the situation worse. I wanted time to myself to grieve and think about everything, but the more I did it the more it ate away at me and I fell into a darker hole.

I built up the courage to socialize with people who up built me and encouraged me and I soon felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Although obviously I didn't forget about what had happened, my friend's distracted me from the negative thoughts and helped me focus on more positive thinking. It was thereafter, I started my blog - Be You, because I realized the impact other peoples kindness, experiences and positive words helped me.

Losing a parent doesn't get easier, you just learn how to cope with it better. Don't get me wrong, there are good days and bad days but the most important thing is to build yourself back up. So remember...

Do stick close to family 
Do spend time with those who build you up 
Do speak to someone 
Do get your feelings and emotions out 

Don't isolate yourself 
Don't hide your feelings

Don’t dwell on the negative 

Don’t give up 

Hopefully, this post can help give people a better outlook on how to deal with grievance. 

Love never fails

All my love,

Sarah xoxo